I need to waste time before work so I might as well catch the world up on what a dumbass I've been this past month.  Now, where do I even start with this?

Well let's see..  The doctor uped my dosage of my anti anxiety pills because the previous dosage wasn't working anymore.  However, all the new dosage has just been been make me feel like a crazy person.  There are times where I can tell I'm not right in the head.  It's like I've lost the ability to think rationally sometimes.

Then we have when I met a guy that I really liked and said he really liked me.  I already had a boyfriend at the time so I had to choose between the two.  I decided to give the new guy a chance so i left my boyfriend at the time.  Then two weeks later he left me for some bullshit reason.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that I  deserved it.  And being the emotional wreck that I was and still am i one night when i couldn't sleep i decided to beg for him back.  That of course didn't work out and I told him I was sorry about that night later that day.  Things were fine between the two of us after that until more recently.  Recently I was talking to one of our mutual friends, whom I knew before I met him, and he was one of the few people that knew that we were even going out in the first place.  He hadn't talked to either one of us recently so he asked how things were going between the two of us.  I told him that the two of us broke up.  he asked why and I told him.  So he freaked out on the other guy about the whole thing.  So now the person who broke up with me hates me and says that the only way he'll talk to me is if I fix things between the two of them.  I didn't want things to end up like that to begin with and I wasn't trying to start shit like he thought I was.  But those two were like brothers and I didn't wanna lose him in anyway so I decided to talk to our friend.  I just wish I knew how things were going between the two of them.

However before the whole thing between the two of us recently some of my friends who go to school with him said that he was bragging about using me and shit like that.  I don't wanna believe it, cause I still really like the guy.  Of course when I talked to him about it he  said that he didn't use me and he was sorry if it seemed like it.  I don't wanna believe that he used me, but my friend is probably right.  I hate the way things are right now.  I wanna kill him, but at the same time I still have strong feelings of like for him.  I swear I wouldn't be going through hell right now if I never had met him.

Not too long after the guy broke up with me I started talking to my ex again.  I told him everything that happened.  And what really surprises me is that he's willing to give me a second chance even though he said he never would.  He's been really sweet recently and I don't get why.  I left him for some guy that he absolutely despised, but he was still willing to take me back.  I feel bad cause I don't really wanna take him back right now.  He lives an hour or so away so I don't really wanna get back together with him until he moves closer.  His family is planning to move closer this summer so I'll just have to see how things go.

And before I go one with anything else, everything above is the truth, and not exaggerated.  Or at least the truth as far as I know, I can't read other people's minds.

But anyways, tonight is prom so hopefully I'll be able to get my mind off of all the shit that's happened lately.  I of course have no date (see above), but I'm going with my friends.  We're gonna go to 's house to get ready and hang for a bit.  Then her grandma and mom are taking us to a higher end restaurant before prom (although, everyone seems to be going to the same place).  Then there's prom itself, which is Alice in Wonderland themed.  After we're going back to 's house or post prom.  We're not quite sure if we're going to post prom or not.  I'm hoping that tonight will turn around everything.  Yesterday I felt like my luck was finally changing for the better.  Not to mention, the hell whole finally gave me a decent raise.

To those who read this, you are allowed to think I'm stupid, cause I know I am.  And you deserve a cookie. Now I have to get ready for work so I'm not late.